In partnership with
If you’re feeling more stressed than festive right now, let me offer you some immediate relief:
It’s not because you’re bad at boundaries.
It’s not because you’re doing the holidays “wrong.”
And it’s definitely not because you’re ungrateful.
There’s a name for what you’re carrying.
It’s called kin keeping — and once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
This week, we’re talking about why the holidays hit so hard, why the stress feels sneaky and constant, and why so many women are exhausted before the first gift is even wrapped.
Enjoy the read, share it with the person who’s also holding the family together, and let me know what you think.
— Dina
The best Secret Santa gift? A Pop-Tart heating pad.
For the friend who loves cozy comfort and a touch of nostalgia, the Happy Helpers Pop-Tart Heating Pad is a sweet standout on any holiday gift list. Designed to look just like the iconic Strawberry Frosted Pop-Tart, this microwaveable cutie delivers warm, soothing relief for period cramps, sore muscles, or chilly winter days.
Perfect for your bestie, parent, sibling, or anyone who could use a little extra warmth this season. Equal parts comforting and charming, this Pop-Tart is guaranteed to be the most delightfully unexpected hit of your Secret Santa exchange!
Stressed AF Right Now? It Might Be Kin Keeping.
If you’re feeling more overwhelmed than festive right now, you’re not imagining it.
This isn’t just end-of-year work stress.
It’s not just a packed calendar.
And it’s definitely not because you’re not in the holiday spirits.
It’s the invisible work behind the holidays that’s getting you.
By now, most of us are familiar with the idea that women do the majority of invisible labor—at home and at work.
You know the drill: remembering birthdays, tracking milestones, making sure no one runs out of toilet paper, and quietly holding everything together.
What we don’t talk about as much is how that same invisible labor powers the entire holiday season.
The gifts don’t magically appear.
The dinners don’t plan themselves.
The cards aren't sent automatically.
The family schedules don’t coordinate on vibes alone.
Behind the scenes, someone is:
Wrapping presents for both sides of the family
Planning meals that account for preferences, allergies, and traditions
Coordinating time with family, in-laws, and work schedules
Making sure no one feels forgotten, excluded, or disappointed
And very often, that someone is a woman.
There’s a name for this role: kin keeping.
According to Psychology Today, kin keepers are the family members who maintain relationships—planning gatherings, keeping communication flowing, remembering important dates, and making sure the family stays connected.
No surprise here: this role disproportionately falls on women.
And its impact ramps up fast during the holidays.
So if you’re feeling stressed, snappy, or emotionally maxed out right now, it’s probably not because you’re doing the holidays “wrong.”
It’s because you’re doing too much of them alone.
🔌 Unplugged Truth
Naming kin keeping isn’t about assigning blame or blowing up traditions.
It’s about recognizing that stress doesn’t disappear just because we push through it quietly.
Awareness gives you options.
Options give you agency.
And agency is how you move from carrying everything to carrying what actually matters.
So if you’re feeling stretched thin right now, these aren’t grand gestures or holiday ultimatums.
They’re small shifts that reduce the invisible load — and give you room to breathe.
🧯 Sh*t That Helped
If kin keeping is quietly draining you right now, here are a few ways to lighten the load — without burning the whole holiday down:
1️⃣ Start new traditions.
If having everyone over on one day gives you heart palpitations, you’re allowed to change the format. Spread gatherings over multiple days. Smaller groups. Lower stakes. Same love, less chaos.
2️⃣ Delegate — and then actually let go.
Hand things off and resist the urge to micromanage. Let people bring the dish, plan the activity, or handle the logistics — even if they do it differently than you would. Done is better than perfect.
3️⃣ Name your capacity out loud.
You don’t need a dramatic boundary speech. A simple “I don’t have the bandwidth for that this year” is enough. When people know what you can realistically handle, expectations soften — and resentment doesn’t have to build.
🖊️ Closing Thought
If the holidays feel heavy this year, it’s not because you’re a Scrooge.
It’s because you’re likely doing a disproportionate amount of the remembering, managing, coordinating, and emotional caretaking — often without realizing it.
Kin keeping is real.
It’s work.
And it deserves to be adressed.
So if no one has said it to you yet, let me say it clearly:
You’re not “too sensitive.”
You’re not bad at “getting into the holiday spirit.”
You’re not failing at joy.
You’re carrying a lot.
And sometimes the most generous thing you can do — for yourself and everyone else — is to put a few of those mental tabs down and let the holidays be a little less perfect… and a lot more sustainable.
Until next time,
Dina